I’m not a relationship expert or anything like that but I am human and have been a through a few life experiences I ought to share. You may resonate with some or learn something new. Here we go…
Lesson 1: Communication is nothing without comprehension or empathy
If you can converse but misunderstand each other or lack the empathy to try to understand, we might as well stop the conversation because it’s not going anywhere. Easy example, men don’t have periods but women do and for some that time of the month is painful, if my man lacks the empathy to be there for me in my time of need just because he can’t relate to my pain or requires facts to believe I’m not okay, that to me is a red flag.
Lesson 2: “Don’t let a man tell you he doesn’t want you more than once.”
My darling love, you can see it in their actions, how they speak about you to people, how they respond to you and most importantly how they make you feel. Stop being in denial about all the signs you see, if you’re still invested in the relationship then bring it up and try having a conversation with them about how their actions are affecting you, if they take don’t what you’re saying to heart or you’re not invested in the relationship then leave.
Lesson 3: Have your own life outside your relationship
Don’t be that girlfriend/boyfriend that puts friendships in the backseat because friendships are to be treasured, not to just pick up the pieces of your heartbreak. It’s understandable to not see your friends that often in the beginning of your new relationship but it shouldn’t remain like that for the rest of your relationship. If you aren’t one for friendships, get a hobby. Be busy outside your relationship with a side hustle, something, anything! If you make your partner your world, you lose your whole world when your relationship ends and that’s the beginning of not being okay for a very long time, unless you’ve got a heart of stone.
Lesson 4: You don’t always have to be honest
Men have been known to lie more so I suggest we join the revolution ladies here’s the article for those that don’t believe me. I’m joking about joining the revolution, but little white lies are apparently not so bad. I say apparently because I once had an incident where a male friend of mine was on his way home and decided to pass by my place at around 11 pm, closer to midnight. My boyfriend at the time asked me what I was up to and because I’m too honest for my own good in relationships, I was honest and that resulted in a disagreement that ended with him saying “we could’ve avoided this if you just told me you’re just chilling” so I was like ohhh! Okay. So there you have it folks, you don’t always have to be honest.
Lesson 5: Don’t fight, have a conversation
I don’t like using the word “fight” because of the many negative connotations surrounding it. If you and your partner are having a disagreement and someone is angry, firstly calm down and then have a conversation. One goes first and the other listens with an open mind, try to see where your partner is coming from and the one talking shouldn’t hold back either, say everything that’s on your heart including what was done or said that upset you then vice versa. It’s not about being right, it’s about solving the issue and it’s also very important to not invalidate your partner’s feelings. Them being mad about you killing an ant may be dumb to you but it still hurt their feelings nonetheless.
Lesson 6: Stop hinting
Stop hinting what you want and just ask for it. Men are horrible at catching hints and even if they do, some pretend they don’t so you can speak up (excuse the generalization gents but I’m speaking from personal experience). I’ve learnt you don’t get what you don’t ask for, even the bible says ask and you shall receive so let’s start speaking up and asking, especially for those of you who have partners that don’t have a ‘romance bone’ in their body and you do. You’ll hint till kingdom come.
Do you relate to any of the lessons shared? Or do you have any of your own you’d like to share? Please do leave a comment down below. Part 2 of my lessons coming next Monday, subscribe to my mail list to get the notification when the post goes up.
-Let’s chat. Love Lelo